Silence is Golden
I have a rather peculiar habit of starting my day everyday reading a daily horoscope (not necessarily my own star sign!) and then reading a randomly generated tarot card. I say peculiar because I do not really think much about the generalized statements made in either of these “guides” but they do both serve to remind me to reflect upon my actions and behaviours. (I also like the pretty pictures on the tarot cards!) For me, these are my proverbial pieces of “string on the finger” to prompt my desire to try and be more self-aware. As I said, peculiar.
I got the Queen of Swords tarot card not one, not two, but three days in a row and wondered if the universe was trying to tell me something. Sure it was a random coincidence, but the description on the card has been used to describe me on more than one occasion.
“A woman that considers only the absolute truth of a situation without regard to mitigating circumstances. A quick and decisive woman. Someone able to understand the hidden motives behind others' thinking. A candid and frank person, sometimes at the expense of others' feelings. A funny and irreverent sort of woman that makes others laugh. You may not always agree with this woman, but her wisdom is absolute.”
One of my friend’s responses to the tarot card was that the description also sounded like “agree with this woman or she'll stab you with her twin blades of wisdom”. Very Kill Bill.
I am not very good at biting my tongue. I am not very good at sugar coating. Never have been, perhaps never will be either. If someone asks me for an opinion, I will say what I think without hesitation. I am brutal in my honesty. If I see a spade, I will call it a spade. If someone does something to upset me, I will also say so. To me there is no point in pretending I have not been hurt.
I know that this one size fits all approach is not always appropriate. I have found that anyone even remotely fragile or sensitive emotionally can be ripped apart by my incisive approach. And it is only after their carcass lies bloody on the floor that I realise the error of my ways.
Is it a matter of playing the person, not the issue? Recognising that sometimes some people will take what I have to say to heart even when there is nothing mean-spirited in what I have to say. Being gentler when it might be called for.
I wonder if there is a lesson here. Is it that Silence can be golden every now and then? But how do I learn to recognise the signs offering cues on when to apply this principle? And do I really want to? Should I really doubt myself just because others are less capable of hearing what I have to say.
I hurt a friend the other day with my brutal honesty, so much so that their response was to shut me out (implicitly threatening to walk away from the friendship). Such was my casual indifference to it all, I actually decided that if that hurt friend did not have the wherewithal to see beyond my message (i.e. don't shoot the messenger just because the message delivery is less than perfect) it neon signposted reduced prospects for the longevity of the friendship. That, and I do not have any tolerance for cold shoulder responses.