Transition Girl

Why transition girl?... Best answered by a quote from the Iliad....."The soul was not made to dwell in a thing; and when forced to it, there is no part of that soul but suffers violence."

Friday, April 09, 2010

a ray of light?

I've had a couple of weeks in hell at work so this week’s note is me being lazy… A couple of excerpts from the first novel is all I can muster. The mood of my main character coincidently aligns with my own mood today.

So here it is…

It would be reasonable to say that the majority of people associate the phrase “a ray of light” with positive experiences. In some sense it reminds us of the heavens above and a break in the clouds that seem to bring comfort, warmth and hope.

It is a curious image - that (for those who believe in a higher being watching over us) God has placed a momentary spotlight on our lives. We see the ray of light illuminating a path that we must follow.

Of course there are multiple paths that we can follow (irrespective of who is watching from the sidelines). Almost every day provides choices - the things we can say and do.

To me, the light does no more than spotlight the forks in the road. I stand there like a rabbit stunned by the headlights without any wherewithal to decipher landmarks on a map that will help me choose between paths. I am distracted by tufts of tasty grass near the side of the road.

On the one hand, I stand with my eyes closed (in a futile attempt to will that Pandora’s Box** shut so that the light cannot escape it), preferring not to choose a path at all. Road kill.

[Aside: Pandora’s Box** defined. We all know the myth. But here’s how I think about it as it relates to everyday life. It’s the place inside of us that we either are (a) completely of unaware of including the contents (b) have a vague knowledge of its existence but prefer to ignore it or (c) know what hides inside but actively choose to keep it a secret. Our own personal Pandora's Box. I can say with confidence that while (a) is where most of us choose to reside, we behave in ways where the ignorance means our interactions with others, although full of patterns, seem like a broken record. Ignorance isn't bliss if some of those patterns of behaviour hurt others. I imagine my own Pandora’s Box is made of a solid stone shell and it more like a Raider’s Ark insofar as any attempt to really open it might just lead to my face and body melting away into oblivion. So I resolve to keep my eyes closed just for a little while longer with a false belief it will help me to survive.]

And, on the other hand, sensing that some of those forks in the road have roadblocks on them, there are paths that I may never stumble down. Procrastination also equals road kill.

I am lying to myself. I have no map. The map sits inside that damned box into which I am steadfastly refusing to reach.

I am reminded of one of the things that inspire me more than anything in the world - sitting on a beach in the middle of winter watching storm clouds reach across the sky.

Rays of light break through the clouds as shadows of rain sweep across the water. It is Nature in its ravaging chaotic beauty cleansing all in its wake.

To look is one thing
To see what you look at is another
To understand what you see is a third
To learn from what you understand is something else
But to act on what you learn is all that really matters

I suppose I should say bugger it. See if I can slide open that stone lid? See if I can open my eyes. Live rather than die on that fork in the road.


Post a Comment

<< Home